Chasing a Dream

Senior Prom is tomorrow?!?!?!?!  How did this all happen so fast!? 

Boy, playing with a girl’s heart

No, that’s not a nice game.

Oh I could go on forever.

You don’t even know about

All the sleepless nights it’s cost her

All the tears she’s cried.

You don’t want to be the one

That she can point to

When it all comes crashing down.

I really need to post on here more.  Even if there’s no one reading it, whenever I sit down and take the time to write - for enjoyment, not school - it organizes my thoughts and emotions and makes me feel so peaceful.  On that note…

I am more and more ready for college with every passing day.  There used to be a day when I dreaded the thought of moving 10 hours away, to live with a ton of complete strangers.  Now, however, I am extremely excited about moving on to the next stage of my life.  I love my family and friends, and I will miss all of them greatly, but I’ll be back every couple months to visit and for all of winter and summer break.  

It’s scary to think that after I leave, being at home will never be quite the same.  My job, my responsibilities, my place in the family will all have been filled in a way.  I suppose that’s a part of life, though.  My relationships with most of my friends will never be as close, although I do believe that there are certain friendships that will last forever, despite the span of time or distance.  

Move-in day is the 17th of August.  I am part of a group of 15 freshman, however, that were selected to receive the Hintemeyer Scholarship, which is a program based on Catholic Leadership.  The 15 of us have a 3-day retreat from August 14th to the 16th, before anyone else gets to campus or moves in.  But the best part… they are taking us to the Outer Banks for the retreat!  

I also received my roommate assignment in the mail on this last saturday, and I am excited to meet her when I visit the school in May for the Accepted Students Day.  From what I can tell she is an amazing person, and I’m sure next year is going to be a wonderful adventure.  

I never thought I would be this excited about moving 10 hours away for college, but here I am.  Times change, people change, and people grow.  I am hoping to have a fantastic summer enjoying the rest of my time here in Fort Wayne and preparing for school in the fall!

Life throws some pretty weird stuff at us.  On some occasions I just want to grab my keys, get in the car, and drive as far away as possible.  But I can’t always run from my fears.  I have to face them.  And if I get knocked down in the process it’ll only make me stronger in the long run.  If everything in life was easy, if everything turned out just how we wanted, how would we be motivated to improve?  What would drive us to work harder?  How would we ever learn?  I can’t be perfect.  I can only be my best.  But unfortunately that just isn’t enough somedays.

it doesn’t take much

Some days all it takes to brighten my mood is pouring my heart out to someone.  And to do this without them judging me or trying to change me makes it all the better.  Although I will admit that somedays I just need that slap across the face from a good friend to show me what an idiot I’ve been.  But anyway… friends are amazing, and I love those heart-to-heart talks that we girls need every once in a while.  Sometimes these talks last until four in the morning but hey, those are usually the best.  

On a different note, I had a sort of variation of one of these discussions with a certain person a couple days ago.  Not a super-close friend, but he’s pretty awesome.  This certain person happened to be exactly who I was upset about, but during the whole conversation he had no idea I was talking about him.  (Or did he….?)  Anyway I’m still not sure if it helped or not.  Ugh.  Emotions are so darn confusing sometimes.  

Guys seem to have it easier.  They see a girl.  They decide they like the girl.  They ask the girl out.  The girl becomes his girlfriend.  They post happy little lovey-dovey statuses and pictures of the two of them and swear that their love is perfect and everlasting.  And any other girl who liked him is left to listen to Taylor Swift and Adelle and eat ice cream while wallowing in self-pity.  Until this pathetic girl picks herself back up again, gets over the guy, and convinces herself that it’s okay to hope again.  

If you’re actually reading this part right now, I applaud you.  This post was not necessarily meant to be read, but to get a load off my chest.  I haven’t written in a while and now I remember how relaxing it can be.  How helpful to see my thoughts laid out in front of me, for me to read back through and then realize what a total idiot I am.  Oh well.  Life goes on.

Thank you music lyrics for saying exactly what I’m thinking :)

“Ooh…how am I gonna get over you?

I’ll be alright

Just not tonight.

But someday…”

~Sara Bareilles 

Well…. this should be interesting…

All right.  So I’m actually going to try this whole blogging thing.  I still have pretty much no idea how tumblr works but I’m gonna give it a shot.  

One of these days I’ll have time to sit down and write something interesting and witty, but seeing as it’s like one in the morning my brain is not exactly functioning on quite full-power.  So please forgive me if I make any completely idiotic mistakes in this post.  

So me.  I’m really not all that interesting.  And any of you reading this probably already know me fairly well.  So therefore I’ll go to the old standby of talking about OTHER people.  Today’s victims. My family  I’ve got a crazy family of 9. (7 siblings + parents)  And here’s a little snapshot of each of my siblings (and a bit about me too)     

Peter (18) is always busy with school, friends, or one of his two jobs. I will stop there with my description of him since he graciously drove me to various locations for a good year and a half before I got my own license. Therefore i will try to refrain from relating any terribly embarrassing stories of him. hehehehehe beware peter…. one false move and BAM!  Your life is broadcasted across the internet.  ah I’m such a loving sister :)  

I’m the next in line.  I’m 16 now… and yes, being able to drive myself where I need to be and WHEN I need to be there is freaking awesome.  The only bad part is that i get to drive the minivan.  No vehicle screams MOM VAN!!!!! like a silver minivan.  However the sound system works, so that lessens the pain a bit. :)  But hey! we were talking about me.  Not the minivan.  hahaha ok so my life pretty much revolves around taekwondo.  It’s my job, my sport, my exercise, my life.  hahaha yup.  But i realize that most of you probably are not interested in this at all so I will try not to talk about much at all.  

Michael (13) is in that awkward stage between kid and young adult.  He also does not understand the concept of taking a shower every day and is apparently immune to the smell of his own body oder.  He also seems to think at times that his mission in life is to annoy the heck out of his siblings.  But when it comes down to it his heart in the right place and with a bit of guidance (and a few showers) he’s gonna grow up into a pretty good guy.

Monica (almost 11) is a little ray of sunshine.  Everything is funny to her and she never stops smiling.  She’s gonna make a great little teenager cuz she already LOVES shopping, has too many shoes to count, and can’t wait to use makeup.  Basically she can’t wait to grow up.  (when do i break the news to her that getting older and being in highschool isn’t all it’s cracked up to be?)  Ah well it should be fun in a year or two when the hormones hit.

Mary (8) won’t touch a fruit unless it’s in liquid form, and will barely even look at veggies, much less actually consume them… at least not willingly…  How she can sustain life on mostly crackers and cheese I have yet to find out.  We are doing our best to improve her eating habits.  (meaning we force her to consume a couple healthy items throughout the day and threaten that if she doesn’t eat her fruits and veggies she will get scurvy, lose all her teeth, and have to get dentures)

Stephen (5) and Thomas (5)  Yes.  They are idential twins.  And despite this fact they are both total opposites in personalities.  

Steven lives in the moment, and thinks that life is for eating, laughing, loving, and being loved.  (oh and playing with trains)  He  keeps us laughing at the crazy things that he says, and is quite the little penitent if he does something to earn your displeasure.

Thomas is a little nerd child.  And he is VERY OCD.  Everything has to be just right.  Just the way he likes it.  And it has to be like that EVERY SINGLE TIME!!!  If something in one of his little routines goes whack, (such as you give him his milk in the wrong color cup and insist that no you will not dump it out and use another cup while there is absolutely nothing wrong with the one you gave him,  he will collapse on the floor in a pool of tears. Seriously.  Both of the twins can read fluently, do some basic math problems, and spell their names.  Thomas can recite to you all the colors of the rainbow (in order) and explain how a rainbow is made.  He can also tell you what all of the different vitamins do for you.  (i swear, this kid knows more than i do)  

Well now that I have probably traumatized you with this scary look at my family, I realize that I’ve rambled for long enough, and if anyone actually lasted through reading that whole thing, then I applaud your perseverance.  

I have yet to figure out how this whole tumblr thing works… Please excuse my ignorance :)